I AM MOTHER

Yesterday I was privileged to sit with a fellow church member and share my story. She and her husband are beginning the foster adopt process.  She had some great questions and eager listening ears.  It was a blessing to me and showed me again God's great faithfulness!  It renewed my spirit and made today's struggles not look so mountainous!  As I recapped the last six years of our journey, as I told stories of the 20 plus kiddos we have come through our home, as I recalled names and faces of those beautiful children I saw how GOOD God has been!  Yes, it was hard.  Yes, my heart broke for their abuse and neglect.  Yes, some of them left us.  When looking at it all together though I can see just how much great joy we have been privileged to partake in!  I realized that here we are, almost, at the goal Andy and I set six and a half years ago.   Our amazing son Seth is OURS.  We couldn't love him more.  He still has his struggles, we still wind up on our knees for him, but will that ever change?  And if it were to, if he became "normal" could we love him any more then we do?  Nope.  We have our "surprise blessing" Damion!  Oh my, I was convinced ONE boy was boy enough, but I will not imagine life without our dear munchkin D!  Yes, he is three right now and testing every limit there is but that will pass sooner then I can fathom and it doesn't change the great place in my heart he fills!  We have our eldest daughter, Alyssa Anne.  My heart breaks for her and the abuse and awfulness she experienced the first two years of her life.  I go back and forth between great sadness and great madness for her!  I admit  she is the hardest to fall in love with.  When your child is still not legally yours a little tiny bit of you holds back, scared to give 110% until things are finalized.  I didn't get to experience those first 2 1/2 years of baby bonding with her.  She asks about what she did as a baby, and I can only assume rather then look back with fondness with her.  But I DO love her.  I love her and she lights up my life!  We have our baby, the family "Bobby", dear sweet Elizabeth.  The baby/toddler, growing up oh so fast!  I devoted myself to cherishing every stage with this one, my last.  Even the lack of sleep, the screaming and crying to communicating, the diapers, even the poopy diapers.  Because with all that is the joy of the firsts, the laughter and giggles, her gentle easy going spirit.  The force is strong in this one!  There has also been Taylor and Benjamin, dear Shannon, Bertha, Denise, and Alajandra, the twins, and all the rest.  When I was in high school I had the assignment to write my obituary.  Being the dramatic GT student I was I realize now I was a little morose, but my heart was there.  I wrote "She was the mother to many..."  I have been the mother to many and have enjoyed every moment of it, as I look back, even the hard moments taught and strengthened.  I am ready to mother only MY four for a while.  And I can't even express how happy that thought makes me!  But we will return to fostering one day, of that I have become certain.  God has been very faithful and I will be faithful to Him!