God Chose Adoption

Someone said something to me today that has had me pondering all the day.  It was said in passing, it was said by someone who knows my family pretty well, it was said out of compassion (but not empathy), and I realize it is one of those societal ways of thinking about things.  I will also say I am not at all hurt by or even offended by the remark.  It has become a blessing that made me think. I was dropping a kiddo off and had all four and it was one of those this is NOT a good mothering moments with all four kids going four different ways and not particularly the ways they were being instructed to go either.  Yep, I was frazzled!  And then in an effort to make me feel better I was told, "And YOU chose this!"  This is what I heard:
"You chose" to adopt!  You didn't have to have kids, not one, you couldn't have a baby, so  "you chose" adoption.  When "you chose" to adopt "you chose" to have around 20 kids, whom you loved each and everyone, come to your home and family and then leave your home and family.  When "you chose" your eldest son you did so knowing he would have anxiety issues and emotional issues resulting in behavioral problems that affect him and the entire family and which can be endlessly exhausting.  I mean after all he was a 29 week preemie with drugs in his system, that "you chose".  When "you chose" to answer the extremely surprising phone call three years later letting you know that your son has a half brother and "you chose" him to be your second son and keep him with his biological brother "you chose" to have the most challenging three year old in the history of three year olds.  "You chose" him even though he too had drugs in his system and you were just beginning to see the myriad of ways this was affecting his older brother.   "You chose" to parent the child that one of your best friends recently admitted was, "awfully cute and full of energy.. but all day long?  Well..."  And then to top it all off, just because you longed to have not just sons but daughters, "you chose" them to be 9months older and 20months younger then the three year old sweetie pie monster.  "You chose" the oldest daughter to have experienced horrific abuse and endless neglect for the first 2 1/2 years of her only four year life.  "You chose" for her to have developmental delays and emotional scars which will take years longer then the year and a half she's been your daughter to fade in intensity.  "You chose" to jump into a full blown familial relationship with a two and a half year old little person.  "You chose" to mother a newborn whom the pediatrician fully believes was drug exposed and 5 weeks premature but since the biomother fully denies it and nothing can be proven no one wants to offer services.  "You chose" for her to, against all odds, be acting like a perfectly normal toddler who darts off, wants her own way, and has no regard for others.  "You chose" to be a frazzled mother!
After, as I said before, pondering this most of the day, here is what I think:
I did no more and no less "choosing" then any other mother in the world; adoptive or biological.  To say I had any part in the choosing of my four children would be saying I didn't believe and trust my God!  I did not "choose" to be barren!  I did not "choose" for my children to have suffered in utero or in life, nor will I ever "choose" that for them, although I am confident each will suffer throughout their lives.  And I certainly didn't "choose" for all four of them to be acting like wild animals this morning!  What sane parent does?   I have friends who are adoptive parents who have seen no effects in their children's lives from being adopted.  I have friends with biological children struggling with physical, mental, and emotional challenges.  God promises us that He "knit you together in your mother's womb".  It is God that "knows the plans" of our lives, each and everyone of us.  The plan for me and the plan for each of my precious children.   Honestly I didn't do any "choosing" and I am VERY okay with that!  God "chose" adoption for my family. 

I AM MOTHER

Yesterday I was privileged to sit with a fellow church member and share my story. She and her husband are beginning the foster adopt process.  She had some great questions and eager listening ears.  It was a blessing to me and showed me again God's great faithfulness!  It renewed my spirit and made today's struggles not look so mountainous!  As I recapped the last six years of our journey, as I told stories of the 20 plus kiddos we have come through our home, as I recalled names and faces of those beautiful children I saw how GOOD God has been!  Yes, it was hard.  Yes, my heart broke for their abuse and neglect.  Yes, some of them left us.  When looking at it all together though I can see just how much great joy we have been privileged to partake in!  I realized that here we are, almost, at the goal Andy and I set six and a half years ago.   Our amazing son Seth is OURS.  We couldn't love him more.  He still has his struggles, we still wind up on our knees for him, but will that ever change?  And if it were to, if he became "normal" could we love him any more then we do?  Nope.  We have our "surprise blessing" Damion!  Oh my, I was convinced ONE boy was boy enough, but I will not imagine life without our dear munchkin D!  Yes, he is three right now and testing every limit there is but that will pass sooner then I can fathom and it doesn't change the great place in my heart he fills!  We have our eldest daughter, Alyssa Anne.  My heart breaks for her and the abuse and awfulness she experienced the first two years of her life.  I go back and forth between great sadness and great madness for her!  I admit  she is the hardest to fall in love with.  When your child is still not legally yours a little tiny bit of you holds back, scared to give 110% until things are finalized.  I didn't get to experience those first 2 1/2 years of baby bonding with her.  She asks about what she did as a baby, and I can only assume rather then look back with fondness with her.  But I DO love her.  I love her and she lights up my life!  We have our baby, the family "Bobby", dear sweet Elizabeth.  The baby/toddler, growing up oh so fast!  I devoted myself to cherishing every stage with this one, my last.  Even the lack of sleep, the screaming and crying to communicating, the diapers, even the poopy diapers.  Because with all that is the joy of the firsts, the laughter and giggles, her gentle easy going spirit.  The force is strong in this one!  There has also been Taylor and Benjamin, dear Shannon, Bertha, Denise, and Alajandra, the twins, and all the rest.  When I was in high school I had the assignment to write my obituary.  Being the dramatic GT student I was I realize now I was a little morose, but my heart was there.  I wrote "She was the mother to many..."  I have been the mother to many and have enjoyed every moment of it, as I look back, even the hard moments taught and strengthened.  I am ready to mother only MY four for a while.  And I can't even express how happy that thought makes me!  But we will return to fostering one day, of that I have become certain.  God has been very faithful and I will be faithful to Him!